Remember when all I wanted was to go to Duke University? Every post had something to do with Duke and how badly I wanted to be apart of the blue devils. I wanted to sit on that lawn and study my anatomy homework. I wanted to be a Cameron Crazy and cheer on Seth Curry, Andre Dawkins, Josh Hairston, Marshall, Miles, and Mason Plumlee as they lead the Duke blue devils to victory. I wanted to go to the after game bonfires and I wanted to proudly wear the royal blue and white. I wanted to study under some of the best professors in the world. I wanted to do Duke Engage and travel across the world doing research.
But as of today, my entire view of colleges has changed.
Tomorrow, Tuesday, November 1, 2011, is the early decision deadline for Duke University. And guess who is not applying?
This girl.
After a long discussion with my parents, I have decided to cancel my Duke University application and not complete the rest of the application. And, really, I don't have any regrets. I'm not in love with Duke anymore. I don't have a heart to study under some of the best professors anymore. I don't have a heart to travel the world through Duke Engage doing research. I don't have a passion to study on the lawn of Duke. I want something different, I want to follow what He has for me.
I always feared that something like this would happen. When I was so excited for Duke during the summer, my biggest fear was falling in love with a different school...falling in love with a plan I'm pretty sure God has set before me. Even though I haven't been the kind of Christian...the kind of lover...the kind of bride of Christ I need to be (I haven't been reading God's Word, praying like I should, and filling my mind with Him), I have seen this coming for a while. I've prayed over and over again about what God wants me to do in life. And every time I pray that prayer, an opportunity to lead worship comes up. Between school praise team, a youth leader who wants me to lead worship (but I haven't been able to since I've been so busy with basketball and volleyball practice...and I'm sincerely sorry. I know where I need to be, but I can't ever find time to get there. And it's completely my fault.), and a lady whom I've respected for most of my life wants me to lead sunday night worship for at least one night soon, I think my answer has come. I've lead youth worship a time or two this year. I've been one of the people playing in youth worship for most of my two years at my old church, I've been one of the people playing in church worship for most of my two years at my old church, and I'm beginning to play during worship at my home church again. I love music and I love leading worship. As much as I hate seeing what a worship leader goes through and knowing that this might be where God wants me to be, I still love leading worship. I love the fact that God changes us constantly. He changes our minds and He allows us to fall in love with His plan and forget our own. I was afraid that Duke would fall to the wayside this school year, and my biggest fear has come true. But I know this is where I need to be. Duke is not going to be my home, and no matter how hard I tried to make it be my home, it never will be. It will always be a place where I love the athletics, but I can never call it home. And that's perfectly fine with me.
Liberty University is where I feel God is calling me. It's starting to feel like home, even though I'm miles and miles away from it. God is there, there's no doubt about that. I talked to a recruiter today and all of my Liberty University questions were answered. Apparently, their music ministry program is HUGE. I'll get everything I ever wanted out of the program and about 2-3 churches a day call Liberty for worship leaders. People like TobyMac, Relient K, and Avalon came out of Liberty's music program. Their journalism program is also one of the best. I also found out that their nurses are in higher demand at Duke Medical Center and UNC than their own students. Liberty has been blessed. Also, they're huge on the spiritual aspect of the studies. What struck me was people pray every day for every student on campus...and they pray for them by name. I feel that Liberty is somewhere I can be happy, safe, well educated, and spiritually fed. I never wanted to lose my spiritual feeding, and I think Liberty won't allow that to go to wayside. I can't wait to hear from them!
I just pray that God will show me exactly where He wants me to go. I also pray that He shows me what He wants me to do and how He wants me to serve Him. I also pray that I can fall in love with Him again and be the kind of lover I was made to be.
love, hannah <3
What a beautiful post about following His guidance! Something I struggle with frequently! This is incredibly inspiring, thanks for sharing!
ReplyDelete