Excited-ness.

Oh my goodness. I am so excited! I just realized that I'm just another month away from starting my senior year and preparing for college! College seems to be on my mind a whole lot lately...like a whole lot. Take for example: today, my aunt in Chicago called my mom. During the phone call, they start talking about me and college and where I want to go. Well, certain events happened and I ended up with the phone in my hand, talking to her. Since she's already had two of her own children to go through college, she started telling me all this stuff that I get to look forward to doing and what stuff that I'm up against when it comes to Duke. She told me all about SAT prep courses, competition in Chicago which made me think about the competition I have to face around the world when it comes to getting into Duke, and volunteer service hours. After the phone call, I was completely overwhelmed with information and wanted to go hide under a rock and be a hermit the rest of my life. There's no way I'm getting into Duke! It's crazy that kids have been working on this stuff since they started middle school! Of course, I already knew this, but I happened to be one of those kids who didn't find this out until after middle school. You see, the school I went to for most of my life never told us about this stuff. I'm pretty sure that since they were so far back in the seventies, they didn't even know how competitive everything is! I'm not even joking. My first school was soo far back that they thought college was still an easy thing to get into. Wrong they are! So now I'm far behind on everything when it comes to being competitive. I'm pretty sure that the only way I can get into Duke would be for them to really like my personality, my leadership skills, what I bring to the table, and take into consideration the academic life I have lived and what restrictions were placed on me. But most of all, the only reason I'll ever get into Duke is by the grace of God. Only He can place me there. But I'm really afraid that He's going to send me somewhere I don't love. Because, you all know, I love Duke. I'm just afraid that just because I love Duke, He'll send me somewhere else. Really, that's been the story of my life. I've had cheerleading captain and volleyball captain taken from me (because my school closed down...that's another story), I never heard about Duke's TIP program or anything like that, and I've never been able to really be where I want because God always sends me to the places I don't love. And really, that's my biggest fear. I'll cry my heart out if I don't get accepted to Duke because I already love it.
But enough of the sad story and back to the title of this blog post. I'm soo excited! Today, I was talking to mom about college (it seems like that topic is always in our conversation these days) and how much money she'll be spending on me next year. Between many SATs, multiple ACTs, college dorm room supplies, senior trip, sports fees, graduation gowns, graduation cards, a yearbook, a new backpack (hopefully!), college application fees, and class of 2012 clothing, it seems like our money will be dwindling this year. So, we came up with a plan. In order for us not to spend sooo much money at one time, she has given me the okay to go ahead and start collecting my college dorm room supplies one at a time. So of course, the girl in me is screaming, "Yes! A chance to go shopping for cool college stuff!"  Trust me, you don't know how excited I am to start collecting stuff for college! It just makes everything feel so real! I'm just overly excited that I can start collecting things for college and start requesting gift cards to places like PBteen (my Chicago auntie can help me with a gift card from there since she shops there for her daughter), Target, and Wal-Mart for my birthday and Christmas and any other occasion I can use to get stuff for college. And, being the nerd I am, I've already made a list of things I need to take when I go to college. Don't worry, I've made a list of all the deadlines for the college applications, too. Well, at least those I can access now. Some schools I'm planning on applying to won't let me access the deadlines and applications until the first of August. But I do have my priorities straight when it comes to that stuff.
I can only pray that God leads me where He wants me to go. And trust me, every chance I get I'm praying about Duke. I'm praying that He'll protect my heart when it comes to application time and when it comes to getting the letters in the mail. I'm praying that there won't be so many tears, that there will be more laughter and joy than tears. I'm praying that He'll show me the way and show me where He wants me to go. I'm praying that He'll shut all the doors except the one school I'm supposed to go to. And I hope you guys will be nice enough to pray that with me too.
-hannah.
p.s. For those of you who don't know what Duke looks like...here's a sneak peak. :)
      


This picture is a picture of one of the dorms on West Campus. West Campus is home to the sophomores, juniors, and seniors. This particular dorm was blocked off by a fraternity, I believe. Since Duke asks for all students to stay on campus for three years, what the fraternities and sororities at Duke do is block off a section of the dorms and dedicate it to their fraternity or sorority by living together with their brothers and sisters, respectively.





That's the famous Duke Chapel. It's so amazingly beautiful! The entire West Campus has the same gothic theme as what you see here, and the gothic theme is so beautiful! Why wouldn't someone want to go there?



This is one of the dorm "hallways." Over to the left, you can see the door that leads to the inside of the actual dorm hallway. Duke had set up a dorm so we would be able to see what exactly everything looked like. But, if you were to walk straight out of the "hallway," you would come to the courtyard of the first picture.

"I look up to the sky and say, You're beautiful."

I personally think the best way to eat breakfast is outside on a porch, soaking in God's Word as you feed your spiritual needs as well as your physical. I was on my way home from dropping off my sister at tennis camp when all of a sudden that idea hit me. Once I got inside my house, I immediately made a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, grabbed my Bible and a pencil, and sat down on a white rocker on my front porch. Immediately, I knew this was the best idea that I had in a long time. I absolutely loved it! I couldn't help but take in God's creation as I read and prayed. The light blue skies, the cotton ball clouds, the vibrant green grass...all of it was just amazing. It was just like God said, "Here you go, my daughter, this is all for you this morning." There are no words to describe how I felt this morning. I would read a couple of passages and then stop and pray and tell my Father what was really on my mind. And I could just imagine Him sitting in heaven, seated on His throne, smiling down and nodding His head like He wanted to hear every single word I was saying and just listen to me. That's amazing. The Lord of heaven and earth, the One who created me, wants to hear every single word I say. He wants the best for me and wants me to be so close to Him. Can't you just imagine Him whispering in the silence, "My child, let's talk and grow closer to each other." But too often we can't even sit down for two seconds and let the Holy Spirit fall on us and immediately be in God's presence. Don't get me wrong, I'm preaching to myself. Lately, I've been using the excuse that I'm too busy for God when the truth is I don't want to be close to God. I don't want to do the work and sit in the silence and let His Spirit fall on me. So this morning, I stopped everything I was doing and just spent time in His Word and telling Him what's on my mind.
But it didn't end there. Moments before I finished reading a Psalm, a song popped in my head: "I come before You today and there's just one thing that I want to say. Thank You, Lord. Thank You, Lord...with a greatful heart, with a song of praise, with an outstreched arm, I will bless Your name." The song by Don Moen just continuously played in my head. Finally, after praying one last time, I took my guitar upstairs and began to play it. I thought that if I played it, the song would leave my mind. But I continued to play song after song after song and before I knew it, my little quick song turned into a time of worship. It was the icing on the cake for me this morning and it set the tone for the rest of my day. I just absolutely love those moments where you think that you're going to play a few songs, put the guitar up, and then get on with your life, but the Holy Spirit falls on you and makes you stay for an hour or two, just worshipping the One who deserves it all. Those are the moments I wish I could live out every single day.
Though, I must say my heart is heavy. There's so much to be prayed about in my life, but there's just one thing that's really on my mind lately. Ever since I got back from Duke, I've been praying about going there every time I have Duke on my mind. And most of the time, I pray about it at least twenty times or more a day. Duke is sooo heavy on my heart. If it's where God wants me to go, it seems like it's too easy of a choice. What I mean is if that's where He has me going, then I know He'll get the admissions office to accept me and it'll seem like it was too easy of a choice. I'm also so set on Duke that I'm afraid that God will send me somewhere I won't love. I don't want to get my hopes up but every time I read something from Duke, it's like I fall more in love with it.  And I know I've got until December to find out if Duke will accept me or not, but it's like I'm so tired of stressing about where He wants me to go that I'm just ready to get everything done and over with. I know I need to really focus on other colleges, but it seems like I can't. Every time I go to look at another college, I think about how that college compares to Duke. I know, I know that everything I just said was a bunch of stream-of-consciousness writing. But I can't seem to get all my thoughts out quick enough! My mind just filps from one thing to the next when I think about Duke. So I need your prayers sooo badly. My heart is sooo heavy with this! Just pray that God shows me where He wants me to go, because that's all that matters. I would love to go to Duke, but if it's not His will, then I'm not going.

Lord, help me to commit my ways to You no matter where that leads me. Lord, You know where I want to go, but only You can show me where You want me to go. My wishes and desires and dreams are Yours, and You know that. Just show me where and I'll go, even if it breaks my heart if it's not Duke.
-hannah

me, oh, my it's cameron crazy time!

You guys should really see my bed right now. It's quite hilarious. Pamphlets, papers, posters, shirts, maps, and handwritten notes are all spread out across my bed right now just waiting to be read, hung up as encouragement, and prayed about. The parahernalia spread out across my bed is a special group of items that have one thing in common: Duke University.
Yesterday, I went to Duke University for an admissions seminar and campus tour. And let me tell you, I'm so sold on Duke. There's sooo many things I love about Duke and they knock off sooo many items on what kind of college I was looking for! My college list pretty much goes like this:
1. It has to be in North Carolina. I don't want anything out of state because it's too far away and I plan on staying in North Carolina for my life.
2. It has to either be a small school or if it is a large school, I have to feel safe. But I do prefer a small school because that's where I'm coming from.
3. The student to teacher ratio has to be low. When I'm in a smaller class and there's more class participation, then I learn a lot better.
4. It, of course, has to have a beautiful campus. I can't be somewhere that I hate looking outside the window while I'm studying and wonder how I got there.
5. It has to have a great library. (Hey, a bookworm has to feel at home somewhere!)
6. I prefer it not to be in a rural area. I do like to go shopping and do like to hang out in a city, not in the country.
7. I would love to travel for a semester and still be able to get my work done in the four year time period.
8. I also have to be challenged wherever I go. I need a school that will challenge me in academics, in leadership, and stretch me to make me go where I thought I couldn't go before.
9. The school I want also has to have a nursing program.
10. I prefer a walking school...you know, a school that you don't need to take a car to get to your class. I prefer to walk, get some exercise, and not have random creeps driving through campus.
11. I want a school that will work with me, not one that will throw me off on the side. I want a school that is actually interested in my intrests and that will transfer those interests into a major.
12. I want a school filled with school spirit! I'm a former cheerleader who wishes her new school had cheerleading. :)
13. And last, but not least, it has to be around amazing churches or have an easy access to churches (more to come on that later).

And really, Duke fills this list and so much more. It has great academics that'll challenge me and it's in a suburban area and is literally three minutes from downtown Durham. I love how they will allow you to make your own major if that's what it takes to get you to where you need to be. I love how you can major in nursing (in this case, pre-med) have a minor in something like marine biology and a certificate in something else. I love that they want to work with their students instead of placing them on a path that they wouldn't like that much and that they would have to go back to get another degree if they wanted to major in something else. It also has the biggest library I have seen in my life. The Perkins Library is four floors up and three floors down. It has a Link center where there are tons of rooms where you can go and study with friends and write on all four walls if you need to solve a chemical equation. The Link also serves as a computer help center...which I know I'll need. Duke is a walking school, you don't need a car to get around anywhere. In fact everyone from my tour guide who's a sophomore from Duke to the admissions officer says that you don't need to bring a car to campus, it's really not necessary. The only reason why I would need to bring one would be to go to church and to go home on the weekends. You can really get from one side of West Campus to the other in less than ten minutes. Everything is right there. Duke has a pre-med program which I would have to take since they don't have an undergraduate nursing program. They see it better that they don't have a pre-health program, that when you go through pre-med both medical doctors and nurses get what they need for graduate programs. Also, if I remember correctly, you are encouraged to go on a service mission for a year while taking courses at the same time. They even have something called DukeEngage where Duke will provide living and travel expences for eight weeks for a student who wants to go abroad or in the U.S. and take what they learned in class to the world. The campus is one of the most gorgeous campuses I have ever lived in, everything's so old and so beautiful. How could you not want to be there? It's also in North Carolina and it's a small school. I feel competely safe there and kind of at home. And finally, the school spirit there is phenominal. I mean, camping out for two and a half months just to get tickets to the UNC vs Duke game (the biggest rival game in college sports), is some awesome school spirit. We're not known as the Cameron Crazies for nothing!

But really, we'll see where God leads me. Tonight in church, God called me to live for Him. Of course, I've been really trying to live for Him since my first year at Deep Impact (shout out to my homies! haha.) where He called me to live for Him there. But this time, I placed college in His hands. There's no way I can ever pay for Duke for one year. It's over fifty thousand dollars. Who has that kind of money?!? So I know for a fact that I have to put everything in God's hands. Not only the college I go to, but also the church I'll go to. There's no way I'm going to be that child who went to church all her life, faked like she meant everything, and then when she got on her own, she left the church. I don't want to be that person! So God will have to show me a church to call home, even if that means traveling thirty minutes to a church in Raleigh. I'll need a church that will preach God's Word point blank, that follows Him with all they are, and don't cut corners when they preach God's Word. Because if there's something I hate, it has to be a preacher not seeking God and what He wants to be preached and then not preaching what the Bible says. I also want a preacher who's not afraid to step on people's toes and follow what God tells him to do, not what he wants to do or one that will avoid controversy if that means having people stay to provide money. I want a church that will walk on faith all the time and preaches the truth of God, they don't cut corners. I want a church where I feel the Holy Spirit and know that the Holy Spirit is there, where I'm not afraid to worship, where I get God's Word point blank taught to me each week, no matter if that means telling the truth and letting the Holy Spirit convict a person. Yeah, I know, I've got a long list. But it's a necessary list. The church, the preaching of God's Word, God Himself, it's all what I need, especially God. God is what this life is all about. We're here to worship and praise Him and Him alone. Not Buddah or Muhammad, He's the only way to heaven. He's why we're here. And I'm sooo passionate about Him and what He's done for me. So yes, I do have a long list of what a church has to fit, and yes, I know since the church is made of people and people can fail at times, but this is what I want. This is what God demands us as Christians to follow. We need the church as much as we need our family. The church is another family and without it, there's no way I would be able to constantly be reading God's Word. It makes me want to constantly be in His Word and constantly be yearning for Him. At least that's how my church is now, and I can't lose that when I go to college.

So God, I ask You to direct my paths. Show me where You want me to go. I'm following You, even though I don't know where I'm going. Help me to be like Abram and follow You with everything and be willing to lose a lot to follow You. Open all the doors I need to go through and shut the ones I don't need to. Open the door to that college You want me to go to, and shut every one that I'm not suppose to go to. Draw me closer to You each and every single day. Be with me as I prepare for college and let me have a firm foundation built on You when I go off to college. Don't ever let me lose who I am in You. Show me Your will, and make me listen to You! I love You, Lord, and I will forever. Thank You for all that You've done and all that You continue to do and all that You will do.

To everyone who reads this: pray for me. After reading this, you should understand why. I'm getting ready to take a huge step in my life and I need you to pray for me. I need you to pray that God shuts all doors that I don't need to go in, and open the one that's His will, even if I don't like it. Pray that I continue to stay close to Him, that I build the firm foundation I need for college. Pray that I continue to follow Him, wherever that leads me and with whoever He has me with. Pray that God stretches me to no end and continues to build me to become the leader He would want me to be. Pray that I can be the leader on the fields and in the court as I play soccer and volleyball this year. Pray that He will flow through me and be the only thing people see when I walk down the hallways during my senior year. Pray for me when I play guitar and lead everyone in worship during chapels during the school year. And finally, pray for graduation. Pray that I'm going to the place God has me to go and I'm in His will. Because that's all I want.

-hannah.

This will be quick, I promise.

Why hello there :)

So I must apologize for not writing for the past couple of days...okay, you got me, the whole week. It's because I've been so busy between volunteering, church, and more volunteering that I haven't had time to sit down and write. Plus, when I do have time to write, I'm not in the creative mood or it's like midnight and I cannot seem to form a coherent sentence.

But this weekend, there shall be no posts from me (unless I'm really, really nice and must write about my weekend before I forget it all) because I am heading off to Duke University in North Carolina for a tour and the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. I'm so excited to get started on this trip! I'm a die-hard Duke fan and I've been patiently waiting for this day to come! From what I saw this basketball season, I absolutely love the Duke campus. (I've been going to see the Duke men's basketball team play at Cameron Indoor Stadium this 2010-2011 basketball season and let me tell you, it's been an amazing experience). But this time around, I'll be touring the campus from the viewpoint of a prospective student. :) I'm uber excited! I'm also kind of excited to go drive through UNC. Since UNC doesn't offer weekend tours, I'll have to settle for looking around the area. Though I'm pretty sure that will be okay since I've never set foot on the campus. (Hey, I have a good reason: die-hard Duke fans never go on that campus!) I'll also be looking at the campus as a prospective UNC student...I know, eck. But they've got a good nursing program and a great basketball team!

But I'm just going to be praying that God shows me where He wants me to go. If it's UNC, I'm sure I'll find a way to be okay with it. If it's Duke, He's got to provide the money! I've looked at both online, and they're both amazing schools.... We'll just see where God leads me!

Well, Mom's calling for me to hurry up so we can make it to Raleigh on time. So excited! Just keep me in your prayers as I look at these colleges and pray that God shows me the right path. Pray that He shuts every door except for the one place I should go.

-hannah <3

Father's Day 2011

Happy Father's Day!

God has blessed me with such an amazing father! I am so proud to be his daughter :)

This Father's Day, I surprised my daddy with a card and a handwritten letter. I've always been told that handwritten letters are so much better than Hallmark cards because, "they come from the heart and anyone can write a Hallmark card." And after looking in our local Hallmark store for twenty minutes, I could not find a card that said everything I wanted to say. Of course, I bought one card just for the sake of giving my dad something to open when he opened his presents but it wasn't all that I wanted to tell him. So at midnight on Sunday, I decided that I was going to write my father a letter and leave it on his desk so when he got up to study that morning, he would be surprised. But little did I know that I would be the one crying over the letter. Normally, I can write really heartfelt letters and not shed a single tear, but this was the first one I actually cried over. A lot of things have happened in the past year that brought me closer to my family and especially my father. So knowing that so much has happened to make me love my daddy even more and knowing that I only have this summer and next with him before I'm pretty much on my own, I cried. My dad means the world to me and I just don't know what I would do without him...especially when he comes in and hug me while I cry over a broken heart, when he fills up my gas tank when I'm almost on empty, when he takes me to go be huge Duke fanatics and sit in Cameron Indoor Stadium and soak up the Duke Basketball atmosphere, and when he just show me love. I don't know what I would do without his teaching, guiding, correcting, and advice on playing guitar and other spiritual/ God-given talent things. Really, I have no idea what I would do without my father.
That being said, this Father's Day was special to me and to my father. I know the letter started out his morning right, but what really topped off the day was the chance to be able to play guitar and to sing with his two daughters. I know that singing with my dad and sister and worshipping my heavenly Father this morning made my whole day. Really, words cannot describe what it's like to stand in front of a body of believers, sing and play guitar with your sister and daddy, and worship the Savior at the same time knowing that He's smiling down on you saying, "That's my girl." It's soooo amazing. I wish everyone had the opportunity to be able to know what it's like to do something like that! 
So today, I want to just give God all the glory and praise He deserves. He gave me such an amazing earthly father that I could never replace. No other guy in my life will ever replace my earthly daddy! He also deserves all the praise because He showed my daddy what it means to be a father and how my daddy should lead his house full of girls. God knows exactly what I need! I could never thank Him enough for everything in my life, especially for a father who decided to stay, to stick it out, to learn how to love properly, and to love me for who I am. Really, even though we call my sister my dad's "second chance," I think he did a perfectly fine job with me the first time around. :)


Thanks, daddy, for all that you do, who you are to me, and the godly example you are! I love you so much! 


And thank You, my heavenly Father, for constantly giving me blessings I don't deserve. Thank You for my earthly father and I cannot wait to see You face-to-face one day! You're all that I want and need! 


-hannah <3

why

I still haven't really figured out why I wanted to re-start my blogging experience. I had a blog before, but silly little me forgot the e-mail and the password I used to access the blog. The little sheet of paper I wrote the e-mail and password on has to be in my desk somewhere....but I'm pretty sure I'll never find it again. But back to the subject. I've given much thought about why I want to start a blog again, to take up a great chore of attempting to write every single day, and there's only three reasons I could come up with:
1. I want to glorify God in everything I do, and blogging will allow me to use the writing talent He has given me to His glory and His honor.
2. I'm a senior. I know, FINALLY! :) I want to write down my experiences of the summer before senior year and my senior year for the purpose of looking back at it during the years and laugh at myself.
3. I have this dream of becoming a writer, a blogger, and a person who loves coffee. I'm not a published writer (I do write a whole lot, just ask my family and ex-boyfriend [and best friend] who could not and still cannot stand the love story I write), I'm starting my first blog, and I hate coffee so I think this will be one step in that direction. :)

But now that you know the reasons on writing the blog, I think you should know a little bit about me. As was previously mentioned, I am offically a senior. I am also a Christian and I want to know God so well and I want to be a woman after God's own heart. I do fail all the time in my pursuit of becoming a woman after God's heart, but I know He still loves me and will still pick me up off the floor when I fall. My God is amazing, and there's nothing anyone can do to change that. Not only has God blessed me with an amazing family and life, but He's also blessed me with a talent for music. I love to play guitar and sing, especially with my dad. I also have a desire to play piano. I've had two attempts to learn the piano, but each time I give up way too soon. As was previously mentioned, I'm also a writer and in the future, I want to become a published writer just like my favorite Christian writer, Erynn Mangum (http://erynnm.blogspot.com/). Speaking of the future, only God knows what's ahead. I only have one more year of high school and then I'm off to college at whatever school God has prepared for me. He already knows what seat I'll sit in on the first day of college, what field I'll be majoring in (maybe the crazy double major of nursing and marine biology my Mom and I joked about today), who I'll be dating, who's going to be the friends that keep me close to God, and what dorm room I'll be in. I love the fact that He has everything under control, knows the best place for me to be, and I don't have to worry about anything. That's such an amazing feeling!

So, Lord, I give you this blog. Just like everything else in my life, I ask You to use this for Your glory and honor and let this be something people can look at and realize that You are truly in control of everything and You are the only way to heaven (John 14:6). Be lifted up and glorified through this!

hannah <3